Seventeen

I remember when I used to believe in things. When magic was possible, when God was real, and love didn't just exist in movies. A part of me wants to think I still believe but then apart of me feels nothing. Sunday was Easter. I went to church and watched as the congregation sang and praised the Lord and I wondered "What happened to me?" When did I stop feeling? When did I stop believing in God? To explain, it's not that I'm not sure (double negative) God exist because I'm positive there's some greater being up there that created me. What I've lost belief in is his power. I've lost belief in the fact that he can change me and I was made for a reason.

I used to believe that if I tried hard enough I could create miracles. And if I tried hard enough, maybe someone would love me. But instead I'm stuck in this continuous loop or nothingness. I'm sure there's some greater purpose for all the events in my life but what that is I have no idea. It's sad to look back on my last post (which was approximately 2 or 3 years ago) and realize nothing has changed. I. Am. A. Failure.